Back Again

Ok, back again and yes, I'm still thinking about quantum physics. Keep in mind that I haven't been to college and have been studying all these things on my own, for fun. So no I don't know any scientific terms for theories and all the official mumbo jumbo. I could totally be wrong in how I'm thinking about things but hey, it's my perception and so I can think any way I choose to about it right? So here goes...... For a long time now I've been interested in energy. I guess it's best to start a bit farther back. I remember when I was about 13 or 14 my friend April and I were really into researching psychic phenomenon. We read about auras, telekenesis, etc..... all that fun stuff. Back then I had a feeling that 'spirits' had something to do with energy but I didn't know quite how to explain what I was thinking. Fast forward to the past few years..... Another friend and I have been working on a lot of different things; from new age mysticism to comparative religions. But it wasn't until I backed away from things that I started to try to focus on the 'big picture'. This whole time we had been looking at guardians and spirits and all sorts of things.... but when I started reading on my own energy kept popping into my head.



I've always felt like this 'world' that we experience is an illusion; that is to say that it's real at some physical level but in most ways it's actually very close to being a dream. Studying the kabbalah actually led me to quantum physics. See, from what I've been seeing, the basic theory for quantum physics is that nothing in this world is solid. If you think about it, it's actually very true. Everything in existence as we know it (and that which we don't officially 'know of' but that I'm sure exists outside of our 'human' perceptions) is made of energy. Various frequencies of energy, but still energy just the same. Think about water. At a liquid level, the molecules in water are moving relatively fast. Basic middle school science taught us that if you add heat to the water the molecules move faster, eventually becoming so fast that the water turns into steam and then evaporates into the air (becoming invisible to the naked eye). The opposite is true if you add cold to the water. The molecules slow down and the water 'solidifies' and becomes ice. Surely we view ice as being a pretty 'solid' form, that is until we remove it from freezing temperatures.



What's amazing to me is that most of the area inside of an atom is actually EMPTY space. Even when objects are in 'solid' form (or so we perceive them to be solid) most of the object is actually empty space. So when you are looking at that chair, your brain/eyes are actually not telling you the 'truth' of what you see. It's all perception. Your brain is telling you that this is the shape of the chair simply because that is what the perception is. But back to energy! Everything is energy. The inanimate rock in the garden to the idiotic little neighbor boy who likes to dangle upside down from the fence top. We are all just blobs of energy. We have 'form' because the particular blobs of energy that are attached to us are moving slower than the energy around us. If we were to step into a lab and ask them to look at us using scientific equipment we wouldn't see a solid body but a denser mass of energy. Sort of like looking at someone through a thermal screen. Once you realize this and start thinking about the possibilities it really starts to blow your mind. Think about it! Energy can never be destroyed, but it CAN and IS changed/transformed in every moment. The big spooting mass of energy that makes up what we call our body changes energy constantly; from breaking down and shifting of energy molecules that make up our afternoon lunch to the invisible but ever present energy molecules that we breathe in and out...... we just don't realize what we're doing. We don't tell ourselves to do this; it just happens. If we can change energy (by either slowing down or raising the frequency) subconciously then why can't we learn to change other energies? On a metaphysical level it has been happening since the beginning of time. I believe (and this is my blog so this is all about me me me) that there have been certain people who have had the ability to consciously transform energy all along. They may not know exactly how they're doing it, but they know that they can do it and they make it happen. People who can; 'heal with their hands', eastern philosophy dealing with controlling chi, shapeshifters from ancient native american lore, down to the story of Moses parting the Red Sea. If you can learn to transform energy, anything is possible. Everything would be connected and you would be everywhere all at once. You would realize that everything was a part of you and vice versa. It just really starts to blow your mind. I am hoping that I can learn a LOT more on quantum physics. It's a little hard seeing that I am doing this on my own and don't know what all the technical terms are. Finding a website that describes things in layman terms is not as easy as one might think. It really starts to spill over into certain metaphysical theories though, which is really interesting. Alchemy is the study of trying to change various things into gold (not entirely an accurate description but it's basically what is usually attributed to alchemists). In my opinion it's almost the same thing as quantum physics. After all, they were trying to change various metals INTO gold.... changing their actual molecular make-up, (transforming the very energy into a different type of energy). Perhaps the 'gold' that the alchemists were striving for wasn't really what we think of as gold. Maybe the gold they sought was actually the ability to change and manipulate energies on a conscious level. With that ability gold itself would be useless; as you would have access to anything and everything that you needed.. you would actually BE everything.



Something to think about. But I've blabbered on enough here so I'm going to get out of here for now. ;)

Insomniac!

It's funny you know..... How often it is that I can't sleep and I sit up thinking about things. I guess a lot of people with insomnia watch television or chat on the internet; I sit up and look over sites about alternate realities and theories of quantum physics. Don't get me wrong, I am nowhere close to understanding physics. Well most of it anyway. But there's something about quantum physics that keeps pulling me to read about it. I guess I've always had what other people considered really 'weird' beliefs about things. It just seems like that finally there are others out there, supposed "brilliant minds" who have actually come up with theories that are somewhat similar to my beliefs and it blows my mind. It's hard to find a place to start when you're wanting to share your ideas and your beliefs about everything. It's like trying to describe the world in a word. You know what you feel on the inside and it makes sense to you, even if you don't quite understand how it makes sense. There are so many things that I find myself interested in and there are so many things that I would like to do or experience. Yet here I sit; 26 years old with no college education, no job and no possible idea what I'm supposed to do in this life. I feel like there's something I'm supposed to be doing, but I don't know what it is. I keep feeling like I'm wasting this life. And I know that everything could change in a split second if I could only just accept that I have the power to change it and did it. The subconscious mind is a strange and stubborn thing I think. I KNOW without a doubt that certain things are true. I feel it in every fiber of my being; and yet for some unknown reason my subconscious mind won't accept it. There must be a reason for this. It's a test, I know. I keep thinking about what is always said - "If you ask for a teacher and are ready to accept the teachings then one will find you." I've asked, trust me I've asked. And I think I'm ready to learn. When then, will this teacher appear? Has he/she/it already come and I'm just blind and ignorant to the lessons being shown? Am I just too damn stubborn? My thoughts change constantly from day to day. I yearn for someone to talk to about all this stuff going through my brain. Someone who won't judge me; who doesn't think I'm crazy. Someone who understands what I'm trying to say and is just willing to listen. Most of all I'd like someone to help me find the answers. I don't want to be given the answers, I know that isn't the right way. I just wish I could have some guidance. I don't want them to tell me the story; I want to be taught the language so I can read it for myself.



Everything is so much bigger than what we see. Sometimes I think that our vision is our biggest setback. No, strike that.... Not our vision. I'm pretty sure that we see everything pretty darn close to how it actually is. Our brain and the way it interprets things is our setback. The way we've been 'brainwashed' and taught what to experience and what not to. What does an infant or an animal experience? Those who haven't been shaped and molded into what others want them to be. Do they see the truth of things?



I know that all of this is an illusion. Like a giant movie that goes on and on. Reality doesn't exist. Everything that we see or think we know is just something that another being dreamed up. I think about the big things that move on in this world; religion, society, fears, dreams, life, death. It makes me so angry sometimes. It's like I can see through a transparent layer of skin and make out shadows of the truth but they shift away when I really try to make things out. I don't understand the purpose of my searching. Take religion for example. I find some things in many religions that feel 'accurate' and there are many things that don't feel completely right to me. What's the purpose of religion? In my mind people use it for many reasons. For many it's a way to have power over others, to feel important. For many it's something that helps them control their fears and gives them hope. But what really is the purpose? All of the stories and holy scripts and teachings. Is it really trying to lead us to something or is it just simply something to fill up empty space that we find in ourselves while we're in this 'life'. Nothing makes sense anymore to me when I think in the 'big picture'. Everything has an equal opposite they say. If I am alive then I am dead. While this is 'reality' it is also illusion. While I think I'm awake I'm really dreaming. While I have no power I have complete power. While I am nothing I am everything. The inside is also the outside. Always in constant motion, because there is no beginning and there is no end. Sometimes I feel like I'm on the edge of some big epiphany; that there's something just out of reach that I can almost grab. I guess it's not happening anytime soon though, so I think I'm going to finish this for now and snake through some more websites and hope that I'm not the only oddball out there.