Did I mention I got yet another bill for $39,000 today? I've done everything that they've asked me to do at the hospital and yet apparently it's still not enough. I was pretty much told before surgery that because I had hospital sponsorship that it should be covered..... now, not so much. Who knows what they want now. They might just have to be happy getting 5 bucks a month for the rest of my life. I'm tired of stressing over how to pay for all the medical bills. And this is why I never did get to go to the doctor.
So I went home to visit the parental units last weekend. It was very surreal and very unexpected. I went in Friday, and as always I told my Mom that I had no clue how long I'd be staying (it hinges on how my Dad is acting). The last time I'd went home I was officially in the house for less than two minutes and he was bitching me out over things that I had nothing to do with, nor had any control over. Needless to say that whenever I head home the three hour ride is always spent preparing myself as best I can mentally for what's to come. My entire family has daddy issues due to living with him and his wickedness and even at 38 years old I haven't figured out just how to successfully tune him out. Usually the entire time I'm there is spent either out going somewhere with my Mom or hidden in her bedroom, only really leaving it to go to the bathroom or getting something to drink from the kitchen. My entire life we all spent our time in an effort to avoid being in the same room with him. It's really quite sad and dysfunctional.
With that said, I went the country route in and so it took me about five hours instead of three. I just wanted to meander really. When I got there I walked in and he was sitting at the table. He turned around, hugged me and said hello. I was in a stupor. It sounds pretty normal right?? Nothing for anyone to go into shock over. Well believe me; this was a shock moment for me. This was NOT normal. I mean to lay it out there......... My health is pretty shitty. So when I got diagnosed with cancer and went home to tell my parents, and was having surgery in two weeks to remove all my female parts the doctors had made it clear that with my bad health there's always a risk that I might not make it off the table. There's always a risk. My Dad had been an ass the entire time I was there, and when I was leaving my Mother says to him, "This might be the last time you see her if something happens. She could die on the table you know...." (She was a little pissed at him and that's why she said it that way.) He didn't even look at us; just kept watching tv, shrugged his shoulders and said "Whatever." And that folks, is pretty much the way he always acts. So when he hugs me and smiles when I walk in, it's a rare thing.
I ended up staying until Tuesday morning. The entire time he was in a good mood and we all got along and even talked some. He made us dinner Saturday. He never really bitched about anything the entire time I was there. He didn't talk nasty or hateful. I felt like the pod people had descended and taken his body over. It was very odd. He hugged me when I was leaving and said he loved me. WTF?? It was a super nice departure. I don't know why, or how things were different; I'm just glad they were. But I have to admit..... it's times like this that really deliver the biggest mind fuck. Like your brain just doesn't know how to quite comprehend what's happening. Strange.
So it's Friday night and here I sit watching Betty White on the James Corden show. She's been alive longer than sliced bread has been around. Seriously; they just said it. Wow. The things she's seen. The changes that she's witnessed. I hope my next life has as much adventure as she's had in this one. Some friends invited me to go to a club with them tonight to see a drag show but honestly I just wasn't in the mood. I am feeling pretty exhausted and sore just from coughing; though I do feel better today than I did yesterday. This weekend I just want to veg out and relax and give my body time to feel better. Maybe I'm just old lol. I don't have the desire to go out and do a bunch of partying or anything now. It takes to long to recuperate and I just feel so horrible afterwards.
I'm kinda tired now. I've taken Benadryl. I think I'll leave you with a rather cute meme I saw. I do so love my sharks........ Good night!
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