Just Around the Corner!!!!!

Yep, school is just around the corner. I'm "officially" a senior this year, although technically I have these last two semesters plus two classes left to take. The last two are going to be taken at the local technical college hopefully though, so it will be cheaper as my financial aid will be over and done with by then. I'm sort of dreading this semester because one of my classes is in Spartanburg and that means I will have to drive back and forth 3 times a week, on I-85 during rush hour in the mornings. I HATE HATE HATE that road! And morning rush hours are going to be hell, because anyone who knows me understands that I don't fully wake up until after the noon hour. So I'm super stressing it but there's nothing that can be done about it. I just pray that my car can take it.

Other than that, it's still hot as hell here. My brother moved into a place with central air though, so I'm getting the window units that were in his old place because they belong to my Mom and she said I could use them. Thank goodness! So hopefully next week I will have a bigger window unit in the living room (the new landlords put a new one in but it's a size smaller than the one that died and doesn't cool the room b/c it's not the right size). I'm moving the smaller one into the kitchen and then I'll have a small one for the bedroom as well. Yay!!!!

This week I'm working really hard to keep my sugar levels down and see if it makes me feel any different. So far I've been doing fairly well actually. (Except for today; I made cookies and had a cup of milk with some.... so we'll see how much that impacts my glycemic levels.... but DAMN I haven't had anything chocolate in a while and wanted a sweet snack; plus the cookies were already out of date and were going to have to be thrown away if I didn't cook them soon.) I actually cooked some roasted veggies today that were to DIE FOR and for lunch I eat almost the whole sheet pan full hahaha! It was about two cups or so; not too bad. There was zucchini, squash, tomatoes, carrots, and a little broccoli. Mixed up some olive oil, balsamic vinegar, Mediterranean spice mix, pepper, salt, and then topped them off with some fresh dried basil from my plant. Then roasted until they were nicely carmelized........ YUMMO!

Mood wise, this last week has been MUCH better than the few prior. I was sick again when I was back in Sumter to help Mom after my Dad's surgery. I'm beginning to really believe that the house and my body just are like two magnets trying to repel each other. Seriously! Oh, so yeah my Dad had surgery on July 6th to remove a mass from his arm. It went well but of course he's being a huge baby about everything. This weekend he has electrodes all glued onto his head and has to carry around a little satchel with a monitor in it so that the doctors can record and look at his brain waves. They cancelled out mini-strokes b/c his MRI showed no lesions that would have been a result of this. So now I think they're trying to figure out if he has onset Alzheimer or dementia or if it's something else in his brain out of whack. I hope they figure something out definitively soon because we all need to figure out what to do. I told him this past trip that if it comes back that whatever is going on is going to get worse, that he has to make some hard decisions because I'm not moving back to Sumter and I will not allow Mom to deal with him all alone. She cannot mentally take it. So either he has to start helping her slowly go through and get rid of things in the house or he had best plan on being put into the VA hospital or a VA home. (They're both packrats, especially him, so it's going to take a long time to get through all the mess they have built up.) He didn't like that of course but the truth is the truth.

In other news, I've been selling as much shit as I can on ebay to help pay the bills until I get my school refund money next month. My Lord of the Rings collection has been doing pretty well with me selling it off piece by piece. I've already went through most of the DVD's and BluRays that I own though, so I'm quickly running out of things to sell. Just trying to hang on.... please please please don't let them up the rent when my lease is up at the end of September. I cannot get that off of my mind and it is terrifying me. Ugh.

I haven't been to my therapist in a few weeks. She had vacation, then I was gone to help with Dad and so the next appt. they had for me was the 19th. I have always had severe trepidation about being put on any kind of anxiety/depression drugs because of a couple reasons.... 1) I know or have known so many people on these types of drugs that turn into complete braindead zombies, and 2) There are so many horror stories about people who have major problems when they finally attempt to come off of the drugs. As I told her when she's asked about them, my brain is truly the only good thing about me and I don't want to fuck it up. But I am having so many issues with stress, anxiety and depression that I think I'm going to talk to her about them next week. In the past few weeks I've had some panic attacks, which I haven't had serious ones since just after surgery... but for some reason they returned. I guess it's just stress bringing them on. It's been affecting my sleeping too. So maybe it's time to at least start a conversation about them. For some reason though I feel like I've failed myself because I can't handle things by myself.... although I know that is a stigma in my mind and that it's ok to ask for help if you need it. So we'll see how that goes next week.

That's about it for now so I'm outta here!! Stay cool in these hellish temperatures!!