It is so amazing to me that it's been two years since I've posted here. Well, almost. So much has been going on... honestly it's hard to comprehend just how much.
I have to admit though that when going back and reading these older posts, I can see where I was in the midst of journeying through major chaos. (Chaos is a good thing in many ways.... of course, you only learn that after it's settled down somewhat.) I suppose now that it actually began a little sooner than that, sometime around early 2003, but it never really calmed down until early 2005. What to say about it.......... my gods it was an unpleasant journey. I had always thought that I had done the 'soul searching' thing before but I was wrong. Oh, was I wrong.
Chaos.... It hits you hard and fast like a ton of bricks and you find yourself trying to crawl through the destruction with what feels like your bare hands and a plastic fork as your only tools. It was so hard to come through to the other side. And most assuredly there is more chaos to come; I realize this and accept it. But I do feel like I crossed something, some boundary or level that it was time to cross. I learned a lot about many things. I learned to value chaos and not to hate or fear it... there are reasons for everything and there can be no creation or re-creation without it. I learned more of who I am; or rather I removed some of the blinders. It was a major gut check. It strengthened many of my core beliefs and shattered just as many. So I'm glad for the past years and of the visit from the master of trickery (haha). He's by far one of the greatest teachers I've ever had; and yes, the teacher was there all the time... I just didn't see him.
So anyways, moving on. What am I up to now? Well in a lot of ways I'm still studying the same things and asking the same questions. I am STILL fascinated with quantum physics and energy, and I have a better understanding of a lot of it. If you are AT ALL interested in these things (energy, q. physics, reality, addictions, etc) then you must must must rent, borrow, or buy a copy of the dvd "What the Bleep do We Know?". It is most excellent and every time I watch it I come up with more questions and answers. Great stuff. Also a great companion book out by the same people called the same thing.
I have reconciled with my soul-sister. (There's really no other way to describe our relationship. That's the best I can do.) We were told once that we were each other's mirror image... which is still something that we are working on figuring out. But like everyone we had a variety of issues that made the distance between us great; some of which was put there for a reason, I think, that was beyond our control. She went through her own time of chaos and in the end we both came out with more understanding of what and why we are walking this path. So we are still working together on spiritual levels. Although now I admit we spend a lot of time questioning reality together and are about to start working with energy seriously. (Beware!! HAHA)
Yes, I still am very much into the metaphysical and occult aspects of things. It's hard to explain why exactly, other than to say that these 'systems' are closer to what I feel is truth than anything I've run across. Now I'm not speaking of any religious path. (I've shared some of my views on religions before.... they really haven't changed much.) I am speaking of the systems of viewing the world, reality, energy, spirit, etc. Everything feels so much simpler than we make it out to be. It reminds me of those wooden children toys that any small child can figure out in minutes, without even having to work at it. But the adults take hours and hours trying to get it right; studying the possibilities - the outcomes - second guessing each move before it's made. Why do we complicate things so much?? It aggravates me to no end.
I received an email the other day from a fellow who had stumbled on this blog and felt some connection to it. I appreciate that; I honestly hadn't thought about it when things went spiraling out of control and that email made me aware that there still might be someone out there who is interested in the same things and that it would be nice to get back to this one from time to time.
I have to admit though that when going back and reading these older posts, I can see where I was in the midst of journeying through major chaos. (Chaos is a good thing in many ways.... of course, you only learn that after it's settled down somewhat.) I suppose now that it actually began a little sooner than that, sometime around early 2003, but it never really calmed down until early 2005. What to say about it.......... my gods it was an unpleasant journey. I had always thought that I had done the 'soul searching' thing before but I was wrong. Oh, was I wrong.
Chaos.... It hits you hard and fast like a ton of bricks and you find yourself trying to crawl through the destruction with what feels like your bare hands and a plastic fork as your only tools. It was so hard to come through to the other side. And most assuredly there is more chaos to come; I realize this and accept it. But I do feel like I crossed something, some boundary or level that it was time to cross. I learned a lot about many things. I learned to value chaos and not to hate or fear it... there are reasons for everything and there can be no creation or re-creation without it. I learned more of who I am; or rather I removed some of the blinders. It was a major gut check. It strengthened many of my core beliefs and shattered just as many. So I'm glad for the past years and of the visit from the master of trickery (haha). He's by far one of the greatest teachers I've ever had; and yes, the teacher was there all the time... I just didn't see him.
So anyways, moving on. What am I up to now? Well in a lot of ways I'm still studying the same things and asking the same questions. I am STILL fascinated with quantum physics and energy, and I have a better understanding of a lot of it. If you are AT ALL interested in these things (energy, q. physics, reality, addictions, etc) then you must must must rent, borrow, or buy a copy of the dvd "What the Bleep do We Know?". It is most excellent and every time I watch it I come up with more questions and answers. Great stuff. Also a great companion book out by the same people called the same thing.
I have reconciled with my soul-sister. (There's really no other way to describe our relationship. That's the best I can do.) We were told once that we were each other's mirror image... which is still something that we are working on figuring out. But like everyone we had a variety of issues that made the distance between us great; some of which was put there for a reason, I think, that was beyond our control. She went through her own time of chaos and in the end we both came out with more understanding of what and why we are walking this path. So we are still working together on spiritual levels. Although now I admit we spend a lot of time questioning reality together and are about to start working with energy seriously. (Beware!! HAHA)
Yes, I still am very much into the metaphysical and occult aspects of things. It's hard to explain why exactly, other than to say that these 'systems' are closer to what I feel is truth than anything I've run across. Now I'm not speaking of any religious path. (I've shared some of my views on religions before.... they really haven't changed much.) I am speaking of the systems of viewing the world, reality, energy, spirit, etc. Everything feels so much simpler than we make it out to be. It reminds me of those wooden children toys that any small child can figure out in minutes, without even having to work at it. But the adults take hours and hours trying to get it right; studying the possibilities - the outcomes - second guessing each move before it's made. Why do we complicate things so much?? It aggravates me to no end.
I received an email the other day from a fellow who had stumbled on this blog and felt some connection to it. I appreciate that; I honestly hadn't thought about it when things went spiraling out of control and that email made me aware that there still might be someone out there who is interested in the same things and that it would be nice to get back to this one from time to time.
Thanks!! And yeah, I still feel odd about being almost 29 now. I say that and even knowing it feels odd. It doesn't feel right; I feel so much older. In a way it's strange because there's almost a separation that I feel now and I wonder if that's why I had always felt that I would die young. There are two sides to me that are seeming to pull apart from each other; the 'body' side and the 'spiritual' side. I don't know why this is happening but it is and it's not a bad feeling. We'll see what comes of it.
I should really shut up now, I still blather blather away. hehe. Sorry. If anyone is still out there please drop me an email or a comment, I would LOVE hearing from you. What are you guys out there experiencing/thinking/working on? Any philosophical thoughts you wanna throw out? Maybe we can share perceptions and come to some new awarenesses. Give it a shot. In the mean time, happy new year.
I should really shut up now, I still blather blather away. hehe. Sorry. If anyone is still out there please drop me an email or a comment, I would LOVE hearing from you. What are you guys out there experiencing/thinking/working on? Any philosophical thoughts you wanna throw out? Maybe we can share perceptions and come to some new awarenesses. Give it a shot. In the mean time, happy new year.
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