It's a little amusing to me how life can be so up at one moment and down the next. Last night was a wonderful night at the annual 'Dinner & Divination' event at a friend's house. True to how it sounds, it was a great dinner and there were quite a few diviners set up to read for guests. Too bad I wasn't told how confusing and disheartening today would turn out being.
In any case, I know that the things going on in my life are all aspects of a larger test (gotta love these big life lessons) but that doesn't make it any easier to muddle through in the moment. Tests of faith are difficult even in simple times, but when curve-balls seem to be coming in through all aspects of your life it can be difficult to glimpse even the tiniest ray of light in the storm.
So much has changed in my life lately. I moved to a new city, bought a new (aka used old) car, moved to a new job and transferred to a new school. I've also started a new leg in my spiritual journey. All of this is lovely and well and good and exciting; but all of this has also been extremely stressful.
In dealing with this I'm struggling with finding the balance between the old me and this newer, ever-changing, trying to be better me. I firmly believe in the theory that vibrational fields change with your mental, emotional and spiritual energies.
I have moments when I feel this overwhelming rush of rightness, yet how does one transform these random moments into a more substantial, present feeling in everyday life? How does one keep the moments of complete aggravation and frustration from rearing their ugly heads and taking over your emotional self? Shielding is a necessity for certain, but one doesn't always shield with people that they trust and in situations that they feel comfortable. In moments like this is when you often find yourself hurt the most. These vulnerable moments are the biggest trials and often the hardest to recuperate from. These moments are the ones that make me doubt myself the most; makes me doubt the path that I'm walking, and makes me doubt that things will ever change.
Well, fuck that I say. True enough, I will have these moments for the rest of my life. With luck, and a lot of hard work and experience, I hope to train myself to be able to knock these doubts farther and farther from my being. People will come and go, even those that we know as family. With luck a few special people will remain in your life for a long time.... but the truth is that some go their own way. And that's ok; it's how it should be. Situations will come and go. Change is the only constant.
I refuse to let others make me feel less than or guilty or helpless because I am at their mercy. I will keep trying to speak my truth, even though I still catch myself holding back in an attempt to appease the other person or spare their feelings. The truth is the truth, and it is what it is. I have always tried to smooth situations over and in the life that's now over it often resulted in my letting others bully me into the outcome that they wanted. I let them walk on me or talk to me in a way that I neither deserved nor reciprocated. Well, I'm going to do my very best to not let that be the way of this new me.
Vibrations are tampered down and disrupted by our refusal to follow our own truth and allow others to dictate our lives. Perhaps we should set our own frequency more often instead of letting someone else plow through the radio dials.............
No comments:
Post a Comment