Insomnia has set in once again. It brought it's friend restless leg syndrome, so I couldn't just sit here and wait to fall asleep without feeling like the skin on my calves was about to split open and spew forth thousands of tiny little spiders. So I got up and washed the dishes *my most hated chore* and cleaned the living room. Mom's coming in tomorrow to stay for a little bit so it's good that I was up and cleaning I suppose. hah.
This weekend was crazy!! Friday I had attempted to organize a "Homemade Yule Gift Exchange." There were 100 people in the group. We reserved the big back room at Denny's. 9 people showed up. And that, folks, is the apathetic attitude that our community has. So many bitch and whine about how no one ever tries to organize get-togethers through the year.... but when you do and they have to put the tiniest bit of effort in... forget about it. I find that pretty sad and pathetic. But hey, if they want to make excuses and not participate in anything that's their right. I was very grateful for those that did show up and we had a good time so I'm cool with it.
Saturday I had a game night get together with a few people. We played Cards against Humanity. I think whoever made that game was genius. I also think that they should hire me to write the cards. LOL. It was rather interesting.
Sunday was the big Yule party at Ken's. It was relatively small, so that was nice (only about 25 people or so). We played a few games which most enjoyed (of course there had to be a few grumbling and mumbling, but that's always the case isn't it?). Something happened though when we were preparing to put the yule log in the fireplace that was disappointing. One of the guys there lost his Father, whom he was very close to and still has a hard time with grieving, and carries his ashes with him. He felt moved to put some of those ashes in the fireplace just before the yule log went in. This was an act that was very emotional, personal and spiritual; yet there were people there who continued to laugh, talk and carry on loudly. Total disrespect. It was disappointing because those people who were doing this know better, and usually act better than this. Even after Ken said, hey we're doing something spiritual here they kept on talking. Yuck. I made sure that when he was done I gave him a big hug and told him that he was a good son and that his Father I'm sure was very proud of him. I just wanted him to know that someone recognized the sacrifice he was making and that I was honored to be a witness to it. I could feel the emotion rolling out of him and it was powerful. He really is a good guy. When the Yule log came to me and I took my moment to put into it what I wanted left behind and what I wanted to see in the new year it surprised me because I got pretty choked up. I usually tuck all emotion deep inside so others won't see me so vulnerable, but it felt good to let it go and put it into the wood.
The favorite times for me at parties are always when people peel away and go home, and there's like 4 or 5 of us left late into the night. That's when we usually get into the good, deep conversations that really push boundaries and open into a learning experience. It usually is very healing, and we all learn a good bit about each other and ourselves. (Or at least I do.) Yeah so when I finally walked in my back door and put my pj's on it was 5:30am. Yikes!
Oh yeah, I don't usually drink tequila, but it's all I had at the house that wasn't open. Needless to say I was pretty exhausted Monday. Then Monday night we went riding around looking at lights for about 5 hours. Then insomnia again last night.
This morning I had a breakfast date with some friends. I felt pretty bad because I had taken my pain medicine late, trying to get the restless legs to calm down. So when I woke up earlier than I'm used to the drugs were still in my system and I was super groggy. Luckily my friend offered to come pick me up. She's such a sweetheart, and I'm super glad that she did because I really wanted to spend some time visiting. Afterwards, when she dropped me back at home it was pretty damn apparent that deity had set that all up on purpose. LOL. We sat outside for almost two hours talking about things that I haven't talked to anyone about in a very long time. I think she needed it; there seemed to be something that touched a nerve in her and she said she felt some things healed. I was so happy to hear her say that. I hope she knows that she always has a friend and an ear in me whenever she needs to talk. Sometimes you need that person who understands what you're explaining and who doesn't have any judgement on you or your sanity. There is a kinship there that I hope can strengthen in the new year. I'm going to make sure I put the effort and energy in to make that friendship stronger and to visit her more often. :)
So Yule is over and Xmas is next. I'm so excited for Mom to come up. I always miss her so much when she's not here and I know she needs the time away from Bud. I don't have money this year and it always bothers me that I can't afford to get her what she deserves. (BTW, she deserves everything and more. LOL). I managed to pick up a few little things. I made her a little plaque that I woodburned, and I also found a few things that I tweaked at the goodwill. OH! The best thing though... I managed to get her one of those 35.00 kindle fires on black Friday. I put it on my credit card along with the other little stuff, which I know is bad because I really REALLY don't need to keep using my credit card but it's all I have right now. And goddamit, I'm going to make sure she has something. We've always bought and bought for people, not because we feel we have to but because we like to make others happy and let them know we thought about them. Our problem is we usually go way overboard. We love doing it though, and up to the past couple years we were able to. But no one ever buys for us usually. It's a rare moment indeed. We don't gift to others expecting to get something back..... but it really makes you feel shitty when no one cares enough to get you anything.
So as usual, it's always been us two against the world. And we always make sure that we do whatever we can to make sure each other has something to open under the tree. Even if it's just a box of candy... and with all she's done for me this year especially I did my best to make sure she had some presents. I wish I could do more for her. There's not enough I could ever do to show her how much she means to me. Anyways............ enough of that!
With all that's happened this weekend and the observations and talks that I was a part of, it really reiterated to me just how people can be so clueless about themselves. I'm sure that I'm guilty of this as well. It just amazes me though how people can talk about others (not mean, but honestly) but yet they don't realize that same aspect that they're complaining about in themselves. I know that it's always easier to see the lessons that others need to learn rather than your own, but sometimes it's hard to believe when it's so obvious. Perhaps they're just in denial about how they do the same exact things that those they're speaking about do. I'm going to try to be more aware of this in myself and work on seeing the things that bother me in others in myself and work to change that part of me. That's a good resolution for the new year!
Well I've run my mouth enough. I know that no one is going to read this and I'm honestly kind of glad about it. I've been needing to journal a long time now and it feels good just to get stuff down and get back in the habit. I feel like Doogie Howser heh.
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