Strange title I know, but as I sit here one of her songs is playing in the background on the Music Choice channel (Soundscapes). Very peaceful and relaxing as her stuff usually is.
SO!! What's been going on you may wonder? Well I'm pretty sure no one reads this blog other than me, my therapist Rhea and a few random people who have stumbled accidentally here. I could regale you with tales of debauchery and depravity, but honestly I don't have the energy I once did to keep up with all those shenanigans! Memories though...... yeah, some wild ones that still make me giggle from time to time.
Nothing too exciting going on. My fridge went out and I had to throw it all away, AND I had just went grocery shopping. But I now have a brand new fridge (thanks landlord!!) and food can be replaced... so there's that. School is back in swing here in the third week. All of my classes are online this semester so at least I don't have to drive back and forth to another city in the wintry weather. Yay! We did have a little snow and ice here. So that was exciting.
Started 'classes' again with my buddy who is also a great teacher. I've studied spirituality on my own for about 25 years and have always done what felt right to me without using extravagant rituals and symbolism and have been content with that. However I'd like to learn how to do certain things just so that when I'm out and about with other folks I can participate in how they choose to do things. And it's always a good thing to learn other perspectives on things; it either opens your eyes to new ways of doing things or it reiterates your own beliefs. Either way my heart is always open to learning and I'm glad of that!
One good thing that I've noticed is that since I've picked back up my spiritual studies AND all the shit happened last year with the cancer, etc.... I have really felt myself open back up a lot lately and I'm so happy about that. I've noticed that I've been picking up on things much easier and someone has been coming around a lot more often. (Hey therapist lady, if you're reading this you may think I'm crazy at this point so you may want to skip it hehehe.) The other night during a really in depth conversation it literally felt like someone had come up behind me and was standing over me. My entire right side was tingly and chilled and it was like eyes staring at me. It happened on two different occasions and I mentioned it to my friend who said that he had seen a shadow come down the stairs the day before and could feel that someone had come into the area as we were talking that night. They then followed me home because later that morning I woke up a few times in mid-conversation with someone, and it felt like a pretty important talk that was going on.
I've missed that; that feeling of connecting and being able to pick up on energies around me. For far too long it's been blocked on my end and I think that being sick and stressed finally forced me to let go somewhat and that was the beginning of allowing spirit to trickle back in and start peeling me open again. Hallelujah! I think it's also helped that I had a discussion with another friend that reminded me of what it felt like to feel an outside presence internalized. It's not a bad thing; it's just something that you have to learn to work with and through while at the same time retaining your own core and self. It's a balancing job sometimes but it can be done successfully. It's really about giving up just enough control as to be fluid in the process, but keeping enough control so that you aren't lost and caught up with no capability to ground. That will make sense to those that need it I suppose. It's a hard thing to explain to those that haven't felt it; and usually they just end up thinking that you're either delusional, schizophrenic, psychotic or just strung out.
Also had an interesting experience while meditating. Now, I'm the first one to admit that I suck at meditation. I mean royally. My mind has such a hard time slowing down that it takes me forever and usually I end up falling asleep instead of being successful haha. This is probably why I'd benefit the most from meditating though right? Anyway, I was meditating one day a couple weeks ago and going into it I was thinking about Goddess energy. To everyone who knows me I'm sure it comes as no surprise that I've always been more in touch with the projective, God energy rather than the receptive Goddess energies. Part of this is because the energies I've worked with have been primarily identified as male (although I am well aware that there are no true gender roles where spirit is concerned). So I went into meditation asking the male/God energy that I'm most familiar with to help me find a Goddess that I could feel comfortable working with while trying to connect more with the feminine side of deity. Needless to say it wasn't long before I 'saw' him walking into focus with a woman who I was able to recognize and get the name for. So it was a success!! And I now have another avenue of exploration and study to help me learn through. Sometimes things just happen when you least expect it. Ain't life grand???
No comments:
Post a Comment